I Thought I Must Quit School



(Translated letter from an orphan benefitting from a Foster Parent Project scholarship)

The most memorable time in my life was the day that the path I thought I would walk - all I thought I would become and do - went completely dark. And in this life, I had no one and that everything in the world, which I held in my hand, would leave with the people I love. On that most memorable day, I found out that I would lose the person I love most in the world and I must sacrifice everything that I have - me, only a small girl. In addition, I would become very poor and there was nothing I could so to change that. I had to eat man hot and people were mean to me.

I have not felt peace, warmth or happiness since that day - the day I found out that my father whom I love, had AIDS and has joined the hundreds, thousands, or millions of people in this world. But at that time, all was not lost. I still had warmth and could see a path in which I could walk because my mother was still alive and with me. But this feeling disappeared the same time I last saw my father. I still had life but no freedom or warmth and I lost all inner strength.

I began my new life living alone with my mother while she still lived; just the two of us, mother and daughter. We loved each other and gave our hearts to each other and I became strong so that I could walk my own path. But this did not last long. I had to meet another difficult obstacle. My mother had to join my father with AIDS and I lost one more person as my mother left me also. That was the most confusing time in my life. Since then I have had to think hard. This made me figure out how I was going to take care of myself so that I could escape from this broken life. But I did not have anywhere to escape to .

I was lucky to have my grandmother, family and friends to help me feel better. I decided to tell my best friend. This friend listened to me and helped me feel better in the poverty I met everyday.

The house we used to live in was just for the three of us: my father, mother and me. But now there is just me alone. I have lost everything. I have lost my freedon and my confidence. I can no longer see the day my mother died. I can no longer dream of who she was before she died. Everything has gone dark and I cannot see how my life will work or figure it out in my own mind. I only have questions. I want to ask those who are living, "Why did this happen to me?" I never thought that this would happen to me. Even though many people look down at me, I still have my dreams and hope that someday the pain will go away.

Many people thought that I should continue to study and not drop out of school (that was Matayom 3 - 9th. grade). But I thought I must quit school. But now, I have already entered Matayom 4 (10th. grade) and I will be special and study until Matayom 6 (12th. grade) and go to college. This is what I have always wanted and tried to do - it has been my dream. I now study and try to be the best in my class. Now I am on a straight path and want to continue to study and walk to the hightest path I can reach so that I may live with purpose in my life and work in many places.

Now, I am trying to be better and learn about things that will help improve my situation. I definitely do now want to do things or learn in the bad system. My future is in studying, not in learning bad things. I want to study so that I may become the person I dream to be.

I will use the money for purposeful reasons and not spend it extravagantly. I will use the money so that I can continue at school. I want to pay it back by doing special jobs. For example, I can be a tutor for younger children in the village and embroider cloth at my home. I have some tools but cannot do a lot. However, I can do a little bit each day. To make one full piece would take me all day. Now that I think about it, I can sell some of these things to buy books - maybe if I sell the tools it will pay for my books. I will do anything to repay you for the opportunity to study. My friends can teach me skills also but I will only do honest work to repay they money and the opportunity to continue school.

I can now choose a path and walk a straight line. It may take a long time but first I must decide to continue to study in Matayom 4. I will make an agreement with my firends who have helpeed me and understand me. Otherwise I would have to go work with friends in Bangkok. They say they can get me a job to work in a cosmetic factory. But I would have to study on my own time and would not have the pride I do as a student. But all work must stop if I am going to study in Matayom 4 at school. I am able to stay at home and study because of the Foster Paretn Proejct of the Dr. Sem Foundation.

Today, things are better for me because I am able to live a normal life. I will try not to think too much and make myself better. I take my studies seriously and see this day as the best. I can now see and walk down the path of my dreams and achieve the dream of going to college, having stable work and helping social development. I take responsibilty to do my work and give my teachers my best face. "Until today, I thought I could only dream. But today, my dreams may now come true with pride in myself"

This is because the Dr. Sem Foundation helps me.

This was written by Piyarat Lalam, a 10th. grade (Matayom 4) student in Mae Chan, Chiang Rai. She receives a scholarship from Ms. Ruchirat Baan jong in Bangkok facilitated by the Dr. Sem Foundation Foster Parent Project.